I haven’t done this in a while.
I hate myself
i’m so weak that i cant even stay up on my own and i need support but not from anyone and im still breaking and falling
the funny thing is that i just want YOU to make it all better but you cant
who the fuck do i think i am, going around expecting people to actually give two shits about me
i’m so fucking alone and i just need to be comforted or something but obviously that can’t happen why would that happen to me i deserve to feel pain and hurt and want to die
im not going to do anything right now
i accidentally posted to the wrong blog and then deleted the post sigh
but i feel really alone. and i’m sick of being guilt tripped by people every time i say that, but i feel fucking lonely, i’m sorry. how else am i supposed to feel when i’m losing friends and watching people that i used to talk to every day just ignoring me and acting like i dont exist?
i maybe have two friends now. that’s a fucking amazing feeling. to know that no one wants to be near me anymore. no one would ever want to visit me or meet me in person, because why the fuck would they?
i spend all day sending people messages and getting no response or waiting for someone to talk to me and never receiving anything. how the hell am i not supposed to feel isolated and ignored?
i keep trying to do things to impress people and make them want to talk to me but instead i just feel like shit because i’m putting a shit ton of effort into something and getting zero result.
i’m sorry i’m selfish for feeling alone when i know i “have” people, but that’s how i’ve been fucking feeling for a really long time and i’m sick of feeling unimportant and like i’m no one’s favorite or priority. i hate thinking out of everyone i know, none of them would pick me as their first choice because they know someone better.